Lasers in Mah Eyeballs: The PRK Adventure

I underwent Photorefractive Keratectomy, PRK, on Monday the 26th. I've been up at Travis AFB for the procedure and have been residing at base lodging. PRK is distinct from the popular LASIK procedure. LASIK involves the ophthalmologist using a blade or laser to cut a flap in the epithelium layer of the eye, pinning it back, then using a excimer laser to reshape the cornea, and finally reattaching the epithelium flap. The military is not wild about LASIK in that there is always the risk that the flap can come lose in car accidents or other incidents which knock the head around. This is rare, but in that uniformed personnel have a higher risk for head trauma in combat situations, the DoD prefers we undergo PRK.

LASIK

PRK, also known as LASEK (with an E), is a technically more simple procedure. Instead of creating the flap, the surgeon simply dissolves/removes the entire epithelium and then reshapes the cornea with the excimer laser. The benefit of PRK is that far less can go wrong during the procedure as the entire complicated step of creating and securing the flap is removed from the equation. As mentioned, it is also more stable in the long term as the patient does not have the flap that can come lose. The negative is that the recovery is far longer and can be painful, as the entire epithelium has to regrow.

PRK

For the curious, this is how the whole process went for me:

Pre-Op Week:
I arrived at Travis a full five days before my actual surgery date. This is due to the extensive pre-op workup the Refractive Surgery Center has to do before the procedure. I went through hours of eye tests, some normal, (reading from the Snellen eye chart) some totally bizarre (having the surface of my cornea digitally mapped). I learned that I have extremely active tear ducts. This has actually been a huge asset in my recovery as dry eyes are a major complication in the healing process. So, in terms of the genetic hand I've been dealt, I have a receding hairline but productive tear ducts. I guess that is a push. The way I learned about my tear ducts was interesting. After the nurse applied numbing eye drops, she stuck what are essentially acupuncture needles into my tear ducts. The numbing drops worked quite well and I did not feel a thing, but it was still somewhat disconcerting to look down and see needles sticking out of my lower eye region.

TD-0, Surgery Day:
I was scheduled for an 0815 surgery time and I arrived 45 minutes early for all the pre-surgery procedures. This consisted of tons of eye drops, ranging from numbing to antibiotic. To classify my mood as "anxious" would be a considerable understatement.

When it was my turn, I was taken into the surgery room and I laid down on a reclining chair/table, similar to what dentists use. My blood pressure was absolutely through the roof at this point. The Doctor explained what all the equipment was and fired the laser so I would be prepared for the sound of the machine. I paid absolutely zero attention and simply tried to keep myself from hyperventilating.

My left eye was the first to be operated on, so they covered my right with an eye patch type thing. The Doc then put in spreaders, essentially an eye speculum, to keep me from blinking. This would have no doubt been terribly painful but for the gallons of numbing drops they had been putting into my eyes. It was still uncomfortable, in that "you're going to feel some pressure now," way you get at the dentist.

This is how I was feeling

Then came, in my opinion, the worst part of the procedure. As I mentioned above, the biggest difference between LASIK and PRK is in regard to how the epithelium is dealt with. PRK involves removing the entire epithelium. This was done by putting a rotating brush on the surface of my eye. It looked similar to the rotating tooth cleaning tool they use during dental cleanings. Again, it was not painful, but it was extraordinarily uncomfortable. The Doc then used a sponge type instrument to wipe away all the epithelium tissue he had destroyed with the brush . Then came the actual laser. The unit looks like a giant desktop computer, and I was situated under a portion of it. I was looking straight up at a series of blinking lights and was told repeatedly to keep my eye fixed on the red center light.

The natural fear of most people is that they will move their eye as the laser fires. This is now essentially impossible, as the laser computer's system tracks the patient's eye position up to 4,000 times per second. In short, the laser moves far more quickly than the patient's eye muscles and also automatically shuts off in the event that the eye moves too far out of range.

The Doctor then gave me a brief countdown and the actual procedure commenced with a series of flashing lights and mechanical clicks. The clinical term for what happens here is ablation, a fancy word for VAPORIZING portions of my cornea with the laser beam. In that I did not need extensive correction to my eyes (I was only -2 diopters in each eye), the laser only fired for maybe 15 seconds. Talking to other patients, it seems the worse your eyes, the longer the laser is engaged. It was utterly painless, though I was still white knuckled on the stress balls they had given me. The doctor then sprayed some water into the eye to wash everything out. The water came as a bit of a surprise and was horribly unpleasant. The process was then repeated for my right eye. The Doc then inserted bandage contact lenses to act as a buffer between my cornea and my eyelid, as my epithelium was no longer there to serve in that role. I was out of the operating room in a grand total of maybe 12 minutes.

I felt absolutely fine following the procedure. My eyes felt weird but I was not in any pain whatsoever due to the numbing eye drops. I was issued cheap wrap-around sunglasses to protect my eyes from UV rays and some insane Chronicles of Riddick goggles to cover my eyes when I showered and slept.

If I were bald, I would look exactly like action superstar Vin Diesel.

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful. I was given Percocet for pain management and I took them liberally anticipating the worst. I could see fairly well, that is, I could get around my hotel room without a problem. I grew increasingly light sensitive, though not nearly as bad as former patients had described it to me. I began the regimen of eye drops that were prescribed to me, taking four different prescriptions several times throughout the day. I pretty much spent the day sleeping or listening to the 30 Rock and Arrested Development episodes I had downloaded on my computer.

TD-1:
I slept fitfully, though I account most of that to having slept for the bulk of the preceding day. I had my 24 hour follow up appointment in the morning which was not terribly eventful. I was not experiencing significant pain or light sensitivity, which was a relief. My actual vision was 20/35 in both eyes, which allowed me to see but not really focus my eyes with any real precision.

My sensitivity to light increased throughout the day. I kept the lights off and curtains drawn for the entire day and needed to wear my sunglasses to watch TV or look at my phone/laptop. All in all it was not too bad, especially compared to the stories I had been told or found on blogs/message boards.

TD-2:
This was the reason they prescribed me Percocet. Holy shit did my eyes hurt. I was extremely sensitive to light and would classify my eyes as being "on fire." My visual acuity had definitely regressed compared to the day before, though that was not really an issue as I tried to keep my eyes closed for most of the day. The only slightly positive part of Wednesday was scaring the bejesus out of the maid who came by - she knocked only to have me open the door to a completely dark room, curtains drawn tight, with me in a robe and wearing my Riddick goggles. She had absolutely no idea what to make of the situation.

I passed the day trying to sleep or listening to the perils of Michael Bluth and Liz Lemon.

TD-3:
Everything was back to normal. I could see better and with no acute pain. My eyes still felt weird but nothing terrible, just something I would notice. I actually drove around the hotel parking lot to see how I would measure up and felt absolutely fine.

The day was just more of the same. Dozens of eye drops on hourly intervals, microwaved Lean Pockets, and watching TV/DVDs.

TD-4:
It was finally Friday and time for my five day checkup. I was seeing 20/25 in both eyes, which is already a huge improvement. My middle to long distance vision is great, though I am still struggling in reading my computer monitor. Most importantly, I am well beyond the 20/40 cut off for driving legally in California, so I no longer have to fret about getting back to Las Vegas on Monday. The bandage contact lenses were taken out which was a huge plus as they were getting uncomfortable to wear, especially for someone that had never worn contacts in his life.

I am through the painful part of the recovery and now simply have to be patient as my eyes heal. I ran into some pilots and special operators who did the procedure years back and who now see 20/15 or better, but said they did not get to that level for 3+ months. I guess it will all be little improvements hereon in. If nothing else, it was an easy enough recovery and I can see enough now to be totally functional.

I will have my one week check up tomorrow morning and be on the road back to Las Vegas immediately thereafter.

Travis AFB & San Francisco

I have been up at Travis Air Force Base for the past two weeks for PRK corrective surgery (more on the surgery later. In that I am typing this, you can infer that it went well). Travis is between San Francisco and Sacramento and is absolutely gorgeous. I cannot overstate how nice this base is. Not only is the vegetation green and lush (a nice departure from the "nothing but rocks" motif found throughout the Las Vegas area), but the base infrastructure all looks brand new. I could write an entire post on how nice the gym is. Without question, Travis is going on my "wish list" once my two years at Nellis are up.

In that my first week here was all pre-op appointments, I snuck down to San Francisco for the weekend before my surgery . As fate would have it, Dr. Mom was in town for a conference, so we were able to spend the weekend together. While I lived in San Francisco from 1982-1989, I had not been back in the twenty years subsequent. As an aside, it is extremely odd/unsettling for me to have something I can refer to that happened two full decades ago. I also just realized I have my ten year high school reunion at some point in the next year. I understand this getting old thing is inevitable but it is quite disconcerting.

San Fran was fantastic. A lot of the sights came right back to me, though many more I was seeing again for the first time. This was to the consternation of my mother who could not help but note that she, "had already pushed [my] ass in a stroller to all of these places." We did the all touristy things which was an absolute blast. My Aunt Mary, who lives in the Bay Area, selflessly donated her entire Saturday to carting my Mom and me around.

China Town, obviously.
"I'm not going to lie to you. This is going to get weird: Two dragons."

One thing China Town had a ton of, perhaps surprisingly, was swords. I guess they feel Americans expect Asians to have (and sell) ninja related weaponry. If I have one regret, it is not buying one. I was a mere $50 away from being GOB Bluth with the Sword of Destiny.

"I'll buy you a hundred George Michaels you can teach to drive."

The Oakland Bay Bridge.

"La Gorda de Napa." A 1,470 pound Pumpkin. The little orange sign behind it reassures the viewer that "yes, it's organic." God damn Hippies.


The Pacific. I felt quite Balboa-esque.

Holy. Shit.


If I had the foresight to have been looking off into the distance, this could have made a great album cover.

You have to admit that the fog rolling in over the Golden Gate Bridge like that is pretty amazing.

Aunt Mary and Mom

Awww.

Travis also has an amazing Air Force museum.

The F-101 Voodoo. The F-101 was a nuclear capable fighter bomber, serving as a strike fighter and interceptor throughout Vietnam with a reconnaissance variant serving an instrumental role in the Cuban Missie Crisis.

I thought this was pretty damn clever.

The F-100 Super Sabre, also known as the "Hun" (as in hundred...F-100). This fighter is always recognizable by the oval air intake on the nose. The F-100 was a follow on to the F-86 Sabre (see my posts from Maxwell) as an air-superiority fighter. The Hun flew extensively in a Close Air Support (CAS) role throughout South Vietnam until it was replaced by the A-7 Corsair II.

The F-105 Thunderchief, known as the "Thud." The largest single engine fighter ever employed by the USAF and that was obvious seeing it in person. This thing is an absolute beast. The F-105 was the primary bomber over North Vietnam in the early stages of the war. The 105 carried a 2omm Vulcan cannon and was critical in demonstrating the necessity of having a gun, in addition to missiles, on a fighter platform. The F-105 was also critical in taking out North Vietnam surface-to-air radar/missile defenses (known as SEAD in Air Force parlance, "Suppression of Enemy Air Defenses") as the EF-105 (e = electronic, f = fighter) known as the Wild Weasel III.



The famous B-29 Superfortress. This was incredible to see in person and is an absolutely gorgeous aircraft. In a break from all the Vietnam-era fighters featured above, the B-29 is a WWII-era bomber. It was an incredibly advanced bomber for its time, featuring a pressurized cabin, an electronic fire control system, and remote controlled machine-gun turrets. The B-29 played the primary role in the firebombing campaign against the Empire of Japan in WWII and carried the atomic bombs that destroyed Hiroshima ("Enola Gay") and Nagasaki ("Bockscar").

Scariest Environment Imaginable

The month since my last post has not been terribly eventful. That is one of the problems with working in a Civil Law billet. While I am busy and have produced a considerable volume of work product, it is hard to really write about any of it. Pursuant to my duties as the Installation Claims Officer, I did get the "opportunity" to drive three hours north of the base to the absolute middle of nowhere in order to investigate claimed damage from a sonic boom.

Sonic boom investigations were an unexpected facet of my Claims Officer responsibilities. Due to the combination of the Nevada Test Range and all sorts of kick ass supersonic aircraft, Nellis has to deal with a number of sonic boom complaints. When an object passes through the air, it creates a series of pressure waves in front of it and behind it, similar to the bow and stern waves created by a boat. These waves travel at the speed of sound, and as the speed of the object increases, the waves are forced together, or compressed, because they cannot "get out of the way" of each other, eventually merging into a single shock wave at the speed of sound.

While this might look cool, rest assured that it is not. It means me driving all day in a minivan.

Depending on the speed and altitude of the plane, this shock wave can ruin things, like windows...or my day.


I also had my formal six-month feedback session with my SJA. I can now officially report that I am doing well as both an officer and an attorney. That said, it is only going to get tougher and tougher as I get more experience and more responsibility.

What would you say...you do here?

I will be leaving this Tuesday for Travis Air Force Base, located between San Francisco and Sacramento. I will be there for the next two weeks for PRK corrective eye surgery. The "pro" of all of this is that it is at no expense to me. The military covers the costs of the surgery and my time out of the office is considered a TDY, meaning I do not have to burn leave. The "con" is that I am volunteering to have a goddamn laser shot into my eyeballs. I am incredibly anxious about the procedure. I understand this anxiety is largely unfounded but there is no getting around the fact that I am volunteering to have a goddamn laser shot into my eyeballs.

"Melting Raiders of the Ark Nazi" is my worst case scenario.

I have been reading dozens of blogs and forums regarding people who have had the procedure. It seems that the actual surgery is painless, though the whole set up totally freaks me out. Every description I read, no matter how detached and clinical it might be, takes me back to that scene from Armageddon when the NASA personnel describe the conditions Owen Wilson's character can expect on the asteroid. He replies, "Okay, so the scariest environment imaginable. Thanks. That's all you gotta say, scariest environment imaginable."

From all accounts, the first three days are the worst, both in terms of visual acuity and pain. Once my eyeballs are in computer screen reading condition, I'll post and let all of you know how the surgery went...assuming my face does not somehow get melted off.

So This Is What a Courtroom Looks Like

I prosecuted my first court martial last Wednesday. I served as Trial Counsel (the primary prosecutor) for the entire court, from receiving the Report of Investigation this summer to giving the sentencing argument. To work a case like that, from start to finish, was an incredible experience. From the Government's perspective, the court went very well. The Accused was convicted and received sentence that was exactly in line with what we asked for in the sentencing augment (and that exceeded our own practical/pessimistic expectations).

Admittedly, it was not a complex court martial by any means. There were no curveball issues with witnesses, evidence, or motions. That said, there were still plenty of things I could have screwed up that thankfully I didn't. I'm counting that as a win.

A court martial is truly an office-wide collaborative effort. There is no way anyone could truly use the first person singular in referring to a court martial victory. I was continually picking the brains of the more senior captains on their trial experiences. My Chief of Military Justice ensured that I did not miss any of the "little things" like case docketing, discovery deadlines, or key evidentiary considerations. The paralegals and attorneys in General Law picked up the slack in terms of my workload so I could focus on court prep. The Military Justice paralegals adroitly handled the Herculean level of work that goes into actually making the court martial happen. I am and will remain immensely grateful to everyone that went above and beyond to see that the court went successfully.

A number of my posts have alluded to the fact that my role as a Section Chief in General Law has had a steep learning curve. I have never felt that JASOC failed me in this respect; there is simply no way to comprehensively prepare someone for the infinitely variable civil law issues that exist in a base with 5 Wings and 10,000 people. I must give credit where credit is due in regard to the military justice training I received. I was totally prepared for this court in regard to the mechanics of a court martial. From the preferral of charges to entering sentencing exhibits, it all felt familiar. Truly, the actual court proceeding was probably the least stressful element of the entire experience. So, props to the JAG School. May they continue to produce many more First Lieutenants/Captains that successfully avoid any humiliating moments in their first court.

The one moment I know I will remember in regard to this trial oddly enough occurred nearly an hour after the sentence was handed down. When confinement is a possible sentence in a case, Security Forces is present at the trial so the Accused can be taken into custody if confinement is adjudged. As confinement was part of the sentence in my court, SF was there to do just that. The surprising/memorable aspect was that they brought full body restraints. Handcuffs, leg irons, etc. It is standard procedure at a number of bases in light of the unpredictable behavior that can come following being convicted and sentenced. Standard procedure or not, it impossible to articulate what it is like to actually see that for the first time.

The trial was all about taking the abstract and turning it into reality. The Military Rules of Evidence were actually being used to enter evidence. The Accused was no longer a mere name on hundreds of pieces of paper, but now had a corporeal form with a family watching from the gallery. Confinement was no longer merely something I was arguing for during sentencing, it was heavy metal restraints. Winning the court was, in the first moments, initially satisfying in that intellectual/academic achievement sense, like acing a law final. The reality was something else as the Accused, now a Federal convict, was shackled and led shuffling out of the courtroom. After years spent in school, that moment was the first time I truly recognized that this is now the real world and I am playing for keeps.

Vaya Con Dios, Brah

I thought it appropriate to briefly comment on the passing of the great Patrick Swayze.

While his untimely death is obviously a tragedy unto itself, I think the greater tragedy is the fact that every headline noting his death will somehow reference Dirty Dancing. "Nobody puts Baby in a corner." Yeah, we get it.

The true Patrick Swayze aficionados in my blog readership know that his first cinematic triumph was as Dalton, the nationally known bouncer with a PhD in philosophy and a friendship with Sam Elliot in "Road House."

"Take the biggest guy in the world, shatter his knee, and he'll drop like a stone."

The second, of course, is so obvious that it needs no mention.

Godspeed Bohdi

On Flying a Joint Strike Fighter to Work...Or: Why I Hate the CBS Series "JAG"

I have lost track the amount of times I have been asked if I am a pilot when it comes out that I serve in the Air Force. Most of the time, I guess this is a fair question. If an individual does not know a lot about how the military works, it is a natural progression to go from Air Force to planes to pilot. For the longest time, however, I could not understand how people that knew I was a lawyer/JAG also asked me if I was a pilot.

And then my roommate began buying DVDs of the CBS clusterfuck that is "JAG." While I truly cannot express how much I have grown to hate this show, it did serve one valuable purpose: answering why people associate military attorneys with flying fighter jets.

I hate you all so very very much.

The show's protagonist, Commander Harmen "Harm" Rabb Jr., is a former Navy fighter pilot turned Judge Advocate. This career transition is my first problem with the show. Harm only becomes an attorney after he crashes the shit out of his F-14 and is removed from flight status. The unspoken message for the audience is that law is the silver medal of careers, nothing to strive for but a decent backup in the event that you are ever diagnosed with night blindness after accidentally killing your RIO due in an abortive aircraft carrier landing.

It's like they had to dumb down the concept of James Bond for people

So, in a sentence, the show can be summed up as "former Naval Aviator becomes a Navy JAG." They even explain this in the opening credits. Despite this, in a blinding act of cognitive dissonance, the show simultaneously ignores the "former" in "former Naval Aviator." Harm flies F-14s. Constantly. He is in the cockpit more than the courtroom. No matter how tangential it is to his role as an attorney to have him fly a fighter, he will be in the air. No one, not in the JAG Corps or the Navy at large, seems to have a problem with this.

And so, I now understand why people hear what I do for a living and assume that I am driving an F-16 Viper when I am not behind my desk. These good people are not to blame. CBS and Donald Bellisario (the show's creator/writer/EP) are to blame.

The sad part is that the flying is only the tip of the shit iceberg with this program. After a few episodes, one cannot help but conclude they did not consult a single lawyer, officer, or JAG in producing this show. There appear to be at most 5-6 attorneys in the entire Navy JAG Corps, all of which work directly under the Navy Judge Advocate General. They all sleep with each other at various points and regularly socialize, even when they are opposing counsel. The Navy TJAG is a former SEAL, further reinforcing the notion that law is a great backup career once you can no longer do what you love. Perhaps the most annoying aspect of the show is that when Harm flashes back to memories of his father, his father is played by the exact same actor but he wears a ridiculous mustache to help the audience differentiate between Harm Sr. and Harm Jr.

In addition to the writers not consulting anyone that knows about the Navy or the law, they also apparently did not consult any women either. This show might be the single most unintentionally misogynistic program that was on prime time. If a female character is attractive, she will sleep with Rabb and then conviently disappear from the plot line, usually by being murdered. Other options for female characters are to become pregnant and provide comic relief or to be the ball busting ice queen archetype. The strongest female character, Marine Major Sarah MacKenzie, is still an alcoholic that is hopelessly in love with Rabb.

There is no real point to any of this other then to caution this blog's readership against ever watching reruns of this program. With that said, time for me to fuel up my F-15E Strike Eagle and administer some Air Force justice.

This entire post was a lie. I fly fighter jets all the time.

It's ALWAYS Sunny in Las Vegas

I have been on leave for the past few days. As a result, I have been bumming around during the day and have had the cable news stations on. CNN has this very excitable weather guy who does nothing but wet his pants at the prospect of hurricanes. Even if it is a mere tropical depression with the slightest chance of becoming a hurricane, this guy is going to tell you, and then telestrate, all about it. Woe be to anyone who is actually hoping for weather conditions outside of the vicinity of Bermuda.

Mr. Hurricane Pee Pants reminded me that are actually variable weather conditions out in the world. Since moving to Las Vegas in April, I have been subjected to only unrelenting sunlight. Every single day is unbelievably and unrepentantly sunny. There are never more than a few scattered clouds. There is never rain. It is always over 100 degrees. It is always sunny in Las Vegas.

I understand this is stating the obvious in that I live in the desert. That said, to conceptually understand this climate it is one thing. To live it, another. I long for thunderstorms. I envy those with overcast days. I think I am experiencing some variation on Seasonal Affective Disorder. Life out here is like staring into the "light boxes" they use to treat SAD for every waking hour of your day.

This is like life in Las Vegas. Except that the lamp is actually the Earth's Sun, that lady is me, and it never stops.

I'm pretty sure this is why everyone is always pissed off in the Middle East. All sun. All the time. If we could somehow get that region of the world Seattle-like weather, the majority of our problems over there would be solved.

Climatic considerations aside, life is good. I continue to approach work with the Joe Dirt "keep on keeping on" mentality. Every day remains a challenge in one way or the other. With the high volume of work that my office handles, I simply do not have the time to determine if I am progressing/succeeding as a lawyer and officer. I go on the assumption that if I was screwing things up, someone would tell me. I happened to watch a few DVR-ed episodes of Scrubs that were from the first season. I despite my unmitigated hatred of everything Zack Braff, I have to concede that the show did an excellent job of capturing the insecurities/fears that come with being in a profession like medicine or law. There is nothing quite like spending years and years in school only to realize that on Day 1 that you truly do not know anything.

Even though I worry that the heat here may melt me like a Raiders of the Lost Ark Nazi, I have zero regrets about joining the JAG. It is weird to consider that this time last year I was back in Chicago waiting for my bar exam results and coaching high school rowing (Go ICC!). It is even weirder that at this time two years ago I was sitting in my storage closet of an office at Pre-Law at UIllinois when I learned I had been accepted for Direct Appointment into the JAG Corps. Time flies.

With that in mind, for those prospective JAG applicants out there, make sure to consider the Summer Internship for your 2L summer job. I was on the fence if I was willing to commit to four years of active duty in that I had zero military background. The internship answered all the questions I had about joining JAG and then some. I had an amazing time at Wright-Patterson. Additionally, it seems to give a considerable advantage when one is applying for Direct Appointment. There is no wine & dine or any of the other perks of a BigLaw summer associateship. That said, at the end of your 10 weeks, you will know if a uniform will be right for you.

I hope this finds everyone well. Enjoy that next cloudy/rainy day.


-Johnny Utah

PS: Can anyone with interwebs knowledge explain to me why this blog does not appear on a Google search? I've researched this for some time and cannot seem to find a solution that bears any fruit. You can email me at: Agent.J.Utah@gmail.com

Good Luck Bar Takers!

I wanted to wish the best to everyone taking the Bar this coming Tuesday and Wednesday (and for the very unfortunate, Thursday).

I cannot recall a more awful experience than the three months I spent prepping for the bar last summer. Anxiety induced vomiting in the week before the exam, my gradual descent into madness evidenced by my "shooting" rollerbladers on the UIllinois Quad during the pistol shot chorus of KIA's "Paper Planes," coming to a first name basis with the homeless denizens of the Champaign Public Library, my Janitor from Scrubs relationship with the fear-no-human squirrel army that inhabits the Union and Quad, and my profoundly unhealthy dependence on 5-Hour Energy & Advil PM. All fine memories.

I still have significant doubts if the exam serves any greater purpose than an incredibly elaborate and expensive hazing ritual. I'm pretty sure Richard Conviser is the only person that actually has benefited from the bar exam existing in its current form.

Best of luck to all of you. Especially Pockets.

O Captain! My Captain!

My congratulations to all of my fellow JAGs who went into the office yesterday as mere First Lieutenants and emerged as fearsome Captains. While we knew we were scheduled to be promoted on 10 July, it is common that JAG promotion dates are often held up due to bureaucratic lethargy. The JAGs that were in the Officer Training School class before me had to wait nearly six weeks beyond their projected promotion date before they pinned on their Captain's bars. It came as a wonderful surprise that we would pin exactly six months to the day from when I put on First Lieutenant.

As officers wear metal insignia on their uniforms to indicate rank, a promotion means physically changing all of one's insignia to reflect the new rank. One literally pins the new metal rank onto the uniform. Accordingly, the term "pinning on" is synonymous with being promoted.

Second Lieutenant

First Lieutenant

Captain

My office did an amazing job of feigning ignorance if our promotion notices actually came out on time. By about 10:00 AM I had resigned myself that my Captaincy (that's actually a word even though I'm using it improperly) was going to be weeks off, stymied by administrative plaque on the arteries of the Pentagon. I was pleasantly shocked when Bohdi (the roommate and fellow lover of things Xtreme), Devil Dog (another JAG that Bohdi and I went through OTS and JASOC with), and myself were called down during our office standup to take our Oath of Office.

The Boss administering our Oath of Office

From Left to Right:
Captains Devil Dog, Bodhi, and Johnny Utah, United States Air Force.

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About JAG: Part II

I hope the 4th of July holiday found everyone well. I had a fantastic long weekend back in Chicago, celebrating America's birthday in style with friends and family.

I've always been curious how terrible it must have smelled in that room. Philadelphia in July heat and humidity, wool suits and wigs, and a quite some time before Old Spice bodywash would come into existence. I don't see any windows either.

I was able to confirm that my Border Collie is still alive at 13 years - there is a longstanding family quarrel about the ultimate disposition of my Golden Lab back when we moved from San Francisco to Chicago in 1989. My parents claim that they gave Jinx (the above mentioned Lab) to a family friend who owned an Avocado farm and that he lived out his years in Avocado filled bliss. My brother and I strongly suspect something more nefarious occurred but we lack any way to prove it. Needless to say, I do not totally trust my parents when it comes to the status of my dog. Thankfully, Dooney is alive and well. Slightly more gray, slightly easier to tire out, and with an ever growing wart on his nose that is disgusting, but alive and well.

Dooney in festive Christmas attire. We are never going to let Mike and Jane send you to an "Avocado Farm."

I also went to the Cubs game for the first time in quite a while. The last time I can recall going to Wrigley was for a high school senior ditch day that ended with me passing out in my seat and paying for my friend to have his car washed. Thankfully this went far better.


I decided I am going to try and make semi-regular "JAG as a job" related postings on this blog. I remember having to scrounge through blogs and message boards for any scintilla of JAG related information back in law school. It was not until I spent my 2L summer at Wright-Patterson AFB with the AF JAG civilian internship program that I could understand what working at a Base Legal Office entailed. Hopefully posts like this will help shed a little light on lawyering in uniform.

Physical Training (PT):

PT is one of the great perks of working in the Air Force. While my usual day at Nellis is 0730-1630, I don't start work until 0900 on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. We are all authorized to spend those 4.5 hours a week working out. I seriously doubt there are any other legal institutions out there that give away that much "on the clock" time for their employees to maintain physical fitness.

All three bases I have been at, Wright-Patt, Maxwell, and Nellis, have all had excellent workout facilities. I would have to rank Nellis at the top in light of their outstanding free-weight room, but all three were very good, especially when one factors in that they are completely free.

My office does PT as a group every Wednesday. Despite myself, I am thoroughly enjoying it. The wife of one of our JAGs is a personal trainer and she has lead our office in spinning, yoga, and weight circuit training. I never in my life anticipated doing yoga. Needless to say, it thoroughly kicked my ass and left my ego a little bruised.

Legal Assistance:

Every legal office offers free legal assistance to military members, retirees, and their dependents. My office has both scheduled appointments as well as walk-in hours. As I've mentioned previously, it can be a mixed bag. There is still the bar exam level breadth to the experience that I am coming to terms with. With the exception of criminal matters and some specific areas of civil law, nearly everything is fair game in these consultations. I often have little, if any, advance warning as to what specific issue I will have to advise my client. Thankfully we are always able to use the other JAGs in the office as a resource when we get the inevitable "out of left field" type of question. Some of my peers use a strategy in which they fake having to consult an reference manual that is not in their office when they go to another JAG's office for advice. I prefer to quite suddenly stand up and leave my office without announcement or explanation. I think it adds an air of mystery and a certain je ne sais quoi to my legal consultations.

The truly plus side to doing legal assistance is that you are literally helping people. It is not an advisory opinion that "helps" a commander or "helping" the Air Force/United States writ large by prosecuting those who violate the UCMJ. Rather, you are helping the person in your office with some issue that is complicating their lives. There can be a certain satisfaction that comes with such one-on-one contact that is often evasive in the abstract world of law practice.

The drawback to all of this is that it takes time. Hours spent with legal assistance clients are hours I am not working on my upcoming courts or civil law assignments. There are only so many hours in the week and at the end of the day, I am either meeting or busting my assignment deadlines. Losing those hours, no matter how valuable legal assistance might be, is becoming a reoccurring frustration.


The JAG Accessions Timeline:

This is is a bit of a non-sequitur but I see a lot of questions in regard to how the timeline works from law school to active duty JAG. While this is obviously unique to my circumstances, this hopefully can provide some general context:

Summer between 2L/3L
July 07: Interviewed for a Direct Appointment slot, application would be going before the August accessions board.

3L
23 August 07: Received the phone call that I had been approved for a Direct Appointment into Air Force JAG

October 07: Attended and passed my military physical (MEPS)

May 08: Graduated law school

July 08: Sat for the Illinois Bar

01 Oct 08: Received my (passing) bar results. Notified JAX of my bar passage the same day.

07 Oct 08: Received my station assignment options from JAX. I was offered Grand Forks AFB, North Dakota and Nellis AFB, Nevada. Grand Forks was not on my "Dream Sheet," Nellis was my number four choice of twenty-five bases.

06 Nov 08: Sworn into the Illinois Bar, sent JAX my credentials that I was licensed within a week or so.

Nov 08: Received my commissioning paperwork, official orders, etc. A lot of paperwork was filled out and sent back to JAX. I learned here that I would attend the January class of Commissioned Officer Training (COT 09-02) and JAG School immediately thereafter in February (JASOC B-09).

January 09: Officer Training School, Maxwell AFB, AL

February 09: Judge Advocate Staff Officer Course, Maxwell AFB, AL

23 Apr 09: Reported to Nellis AFB