The Triple Nickel: The Curious Case of Airman Thomas and Crud

The past two weeks have been particularly hectic ones. This is primarily due the first of our two moot courts. Unlike the moot court in law school, representing appellate practice, our moot courts are simulated courts-martial. That our courts would be at the trial level came as a general relief to me. I could never understand the utility of mock appellate argument. Honestly, how many people go into appellate practice? For those that do, how many of them got into appellate work out of the gate? I digress.

The vast majority of drug cases in the Air Force result in a guilty plea but a fully litigated sentencing. Accordingly, this was the template for our first court. Based on an actual general court-martial, we introduced evidence, examined witnesses, and gave argument in regard to the proper sentencing for a LSD possession/distribution/use case. We never learned what the real life Airman First Class James Thomas received, but I hope it was the 8 years and 4 months I argued for.

In a weird way, courts remind me a great deal of rowing. I always winced when non-rowers would comment to me how relaxing and picturesque rowing appeared as they observed eights, fours, and singles from the shore. It only looks easy when the rower is so skilled that they are able make it look easy. It takes an appalling amount of hours on the erg and on the water to get to that level. Trials are the same way. There is an inordinate amount of work that goes into preparing for the trial so that everything appears to go smoothly. In all, I am exhausted and humbled by my first court, but I guess we all have to start somewhere.

Much like trial practice, this is hard. For a "before law school turned him into a fatty" moment in time, I'm sitting at Bow (front of the boat).

On a less boring note, I should comment on what is becoming one of my favorite Air Force traditions: Crud. It is a billiards based game that originated with pilots of the Royal Canadian Air Force and is huge among the USAF F-16 community. Though it may have its origins with pilots, it is patently clear to me why it is a staple among JAGs. Most JAGs I've come to know tend to drink a fair deal, are athletic, and are highly competitive, even in recreational events. Crud allows for liberal alcohol consumption, is shockingly physical, and brings out the Type-A need to win in just about everyone. I recall myraid moments playing Flipcup at Dayton in which I honestly entertained the thought of murdering a struggling teammate. Crud has reawakened these competitively homicidal feelings in me. It's not personal. It's business.

The stage is set for passive aggressiveness, alcohol impaired eye-hand coordination, and significant amounts of bruising to the arms, legs, hips, and ego.

Taken mere moments after I expertly serve the Shooter Ball

As you can see, the game is played on a billards table with only corner pockets. Player 1 (offense) has the Shooter Ball (Cue Ball), Player 2 (Defense) has the Object Ball (Striped Ball). Each player stands at the opposite short sides of the table. The goal is to use the Shooter Ball to knock the Object Ball into a pocket. Player 1's goal is to get the ball in, subject to several rules. Player 2's goal is to use almost all means possible to prevent Player 1 from achieving his/her objective. This generally results in a fair amount of physical abuse to both parties. Pool cues are not used, but the shooter ball is launched manually across the table surface. A game of Crud involves running frenetically around the table and other players, trying to grab the shooter ball and either strike the object ball before it stops moving or sink it.

The rules are way beyond the scope of this post, but feel free to read up on them for your own edification. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crud_(game)

For context, I found this on YouTube. This is a different group of people (not that good at the game) at a different base. Advance the video to 2:18 for a solid idea of what the game usually looks like. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=98-nULCyLSA

In pink: my teammate adsorbing a brutal hip-check for the good of Team 1. In green: an ASBC student that might be a decent Crud player but is a terrible human being.