Eponyms, Pachyderms, and Entering My Late 20s

For the devoted fans of this blog (e.g., my Mom, mostly out of pity), you may recall me somewhat ebulliently talking about how the JASOC workload would pale that of OTS. Turns out that it does. Big time. And I am no longer ebullient. I am, in fact, rather torpid.

The curriculum represents a double-edged sword. The material is fascinating (in a law school nerd sort of way) and highly relevant, as I well be expected to do all of this, for keeps, in a matter of weeks. The other side to the sword is that there is just a staggering volume of work. Ponderous might be another way to describe it. Staggeringly ponderous might be the best.

The focus on this past week as been Administrative Actions. The military is unique in a criminal justice sense in that we punish people for a far wider variety of offenses than civilian prosecutors. While showing up late to work might get you fired from your job as a civilian, we can send you to jail for it.

Yeah, Peter, I'm going to have to advise you of your Article 31 rights under the Uniform Code of Military Justice. Oh, and remember: next Friday... is Hawaiian shirt day.

In most instances, however, a court martial for a minor offense is both overkill and counterproductive to the overall mission of the Air Force (i.e., blowing things up). As a result, we have a whole method of punishing people non-judicially. That is, in a non-criminal (non-court martial) proceeding.

Amazingly enough, such actions are called...wait for it...non-judicial punishments. NJPs. There are also Quality Force Management (QFM) options for the very minor offenses. Official slaps on the wrist, in a sense, with increasing consequences as one works up the list of QFM/NJP options. One starts with Letters of Counseling ("Stop being late for work"), moves up to Letters of Reprimand ("Seriously, stop being late for work"), and ends with the (in)famous Article 15 ("We are now going to dock your paycheck and put you on an extra-work detail and see if that gets you to stop being late for work.")

Article 15 and NJP are fungible terms by the way. Article 15 is named from, well, being Article 15 of the Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ). Article 15 is also the eponym for this blog. Triple Nickel (3 x 5 = 15) is just a "cool kids" way to refer to an Art. 15.

While we don't get Kindles, I LOVE that it is an option. Between that and my iPhone, I could be administering justice all over the place.

This week was not only learning the statutory basis for QFM and NJPs, but the precise way one administers them. In that JAGs provide a merely advisory role (i.e., we don't actually get to make decisions) to Commanders, our pushing of paper is complicated by a factor of ten. I guess this is why they (actually, you, John/Jane Q. Taxpayer) are paying for me to stay in a nice hotel.

The School gives us fantastic opportunities to practice our newly acquired knowledge/skills, with us (playing JAGs) working in mock advisement sessions with the faculty (playing Squadron/Group/Wing Commanders). There is really nothing like the prospect of looking like a complete idiot in front of someone older, smarter, and more experienced than you to really force you to distill complicated material.

Beyond all the books and alphabet soup, my fellow First Lieutenants here at JASOC are an outstanding group of people. We are able to find time to have a little bit of fun now and again.



In terms of all the social activities I have been a part of, my trip to the Montgomery Zoo might be the highlight. I forget how much I like zoos.

A chance encounter with the most mighty of all African Ungulates, the Dik-Dik. I am trying to explain to it my attempt to name my OTS Flight after his/her/its people. I took its passive blinking at me to be a combination of approval and gratitude.

I measure up pretty damn well, thank you. Stupid Pachyderms. I. HATE. PACHYDERMS.

My interviewing two Bald Eagles on their role in defeating the Soviet Union.

Again with the Pachyderms. Take your nonrumiant digesting selves, along with your thick skin and hooved feet and GET OUT.

PS: I will be 27 by the time you read this post. Now that I am in my late 20s (sigh), the whole "Facebook Wall Post" thing is not going to pass muster. You might want to get out to Target and buy me something. Nothing says, "thanks for doing your part to defend my way of life and the Constituion," like a gift card.

I just want a sliver. Otherwise I'll get fat.